When your heart broke completely, it was actually the most peaceful moment because it became just fearless. I calmly wiped off the tears, as I inhaled deeply the menthol scent of nicotine into my throat down to my lung.

It was a relief when the truth exposed itself. I finally fell asleep that night without the anxiety of wondering.

I cried

Few years and a couple of flings later, he is still one significant man in my life. I once believed he was my “Mr Big”, but life went on as distance inevitably torn us apart. I tried to love him again but I could only love the memories of him. Time has taken away our passion.

He indulged me, took me grocery shopping late at night while I craved homemade hot pot. He surprised me with the camera I wanted just before we took off to the most romantic Guam trip. He constantly delivered mocha frapp to my office during the unbearable humid days of Taipei summer.

I cried.

Those were the sweetest and happiest days while he was in my life. The heartfelt memories that no one can ever take them away from me.

The one who loves more always loses, and the one who cares less always wins. Not quite true? I would say, the one who shows more love loses.

This rule applies to all type of love stories, whether it is a monogamy, some complicated love affairs between few guys and girls, or even just the two’s fantasy world.

I read this somewhere, “You literally need to have the guts to lose the person you have attraction for”, meaning we should show the other person we can walk off any moment during the relationship. If he knows you will text him later no matter what, he gets lazy and doesn’t initiate anymore.

After all, love is just a game. Despite how we look for different things out of love, it is just as munipulative no matter how you avoid. Yet, things are always easier said than done.

Emotionally unavailable / my heart is occupied / unable to feel anything for anyone else / he captured my heart

I wish you could see me smiling and texting you right now at this moment